May 14, 2015

Our Romance Sucks: A Mother’s Day Revelation

It had been a full day. The kids made it their mission to love me to death or at least until they were on my last nerve. Around 9 p.m. all activity and hoopla ended with kids asleep in bed. "J" (my fiance) and I, exhausted, collapsed calorie-filled on the couch like the Mexican Pizza and Taco Salad we had just inhaled. Overall, it was a great Mother’s Day! But somewhere deep, deep within I felt unsettled and sad, needy and lonely. 

"J" sat at one end of the couch and I at the other. As he attempted to relax by playing a game on his phone, I stared at him trying to figure out what the hell was wrong with me. I took inventory of the day, realizing that I had received all that I asked for. The girls gave me beautiful homemade gifts that any mom would be happy to have and only a mom could love. I had also been cooked a delicious breakfast and treated to what I wanted for dinner. But still, I couldn't put my finger on what was troubling me.

Had I mentally set the bar too high for Mother’s Day? Or not high enough? Was I ungrateful? Had I become a spoiled, controlling, bratty bitch of a mom and partner? Surely, it’s no crime for a woman, a mom, to expect some extra appreciation, pampering, and catering to on the day specifically set aside to honor mothers. But all of those things had been done for me. Maybe not on the grandest of scales but well enough to feel like I’d had half a day off!

Before I could completely diagnose my crazy, "J" got up and made his move. He caught me off-guard. We fondled until the sexual tension was thick enough to squeeze. It was the reality check I needed to bring me out of my gloom but then, after much pleasure, it was over. The gloomy feeling returned and suddenly I had an epiphany.

Lingering in my mind was a visual of our former years. Our years of sexual freedom and romantic bliss. I could see our mattress on the floor in front of the fireplace. I could feel the heat from the flames mixing with our own friction and burning our skin with unbearable delight. I longed for the scent from the rose petals, oils, and other “accessories” we once used to adorn our love-making. We had always treated sex as an art but it had somehow become a lost art form.

Where had it all gone? What happened to us?

We had become those parents, that couple. The realization smacked me harder than my grandmother did when I picked all of her newly bloomed flowers as a child; except hers landed on my backside! We had become those parents, that couple, satisfied with sexual mediocrity while chasing orgasms. The days of chivalry and the prolonged moments of foreplay-touching, kissing, etc.- we once enjoyed had been replaced by exhaustion and hurried time. Our romance now sucked

Such is the tale of too many parents and too many couples over time.

"J" held me in his arms as I revealed my sudden revelation and we discussed our new issue. As with any couple, communication is key! We expressed ourselves honestly, risking bruised egos but knowing that we were safe to be honest, to be real. Reminiscing about our past sexual excursions together, we laughed, sighed, moaned, and found ourselves worked up all over again. Admitting that we were no longer the young, super-adventurous, energized creatures we once were, we vowed to redefine romance in our relationship.

Just like most couples, we love to be intimate and expand our sexual horizons. But with time, and parenthood, has come (inevitable) change. There has been no loss of sexual appetite; Only a transformation in what and how often we indulge. Any parent who doesn't understand that must live in Oz and we all need to move there!

Finally, we went to bed ending my Mother’s Day on a new high. I was proud to have allowed myself to feel the negative feelings inside instead of repressing or blowing them off as nonsense and unimportant. I put myself first long enough to figure out what the problem was. When the answer was realized, I accepted the revelation that our romance sucked instead of making excuses; As did he. It was a difficult lesson but necessary. It was equally as necessary to communicate that with my life-partner because I know that he’s in this thing with me. And that is how we will continue to improve, making our relationship-and our romance- last.

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  1. It's so important to talk about these kinds of things. I know I really struggle with opening up to my husband, but every time I do I feel
    so much better!

    1. Right! Some topics are difficult to discuss but we have to communicate in order to grow. And like you, I ALWAYS feel better when we converse. =)