Bitch, Watch Me Work

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Look-at-me beach weather is approaching faster than a premature ejaculation! Every corner is lined with people desperate to get their nails done; to rid themselves of the crusty, layered, gunk lining their feet and neglected cuticles. Stores are flooding their window displays with colorful, stylish swimsuits, placed on flat-bellied mannequins that wouldn't know a stretch mark if you slapped 'em with it! 

I LOVE swimsuits and bikinis are my thing but right now my belly has more waves than the ocean itself. Still, I want to be brave and flaunt that beauty in a two-piece like I paid for it (which I did ). So what's a girl to do? Give in to society's depiction of an acceptable beach body? Hide away in a corner, afraid of the stigma surrounding postpartum bellies? No, not this time! 

This time I'm going to love ALL OF ME and do my thang confidently! I don't have Beyonce's bootiliciousness nor Pamela Anderson's bodaciousness (unless my milk ducts are clogged). I won't be giving you Baywatch folks but what I can give you is Bitchwatch! THAT'S RIGHT! 

"Bitch, watch me work!"

I'll be on that sandy shore shuffling my feet strutting my stuff alongside my kids. I will bend over/down, allowing my rolls of belly flesh their shining moment as the girls and I build sand castles together. I won't tempt fate by holding my breath until I (almost) blackout, with shoulders back and head up just to hide my jelly doughnut! I've earned my right to be on that beach just as well as any six-pack showoff!

I'm tired of faking it! Aren't you?

In no way am I glorifying unhealthy lifestyles or lack of exercise. I just want others to accept where they are, love themselves as they are, work towards being and doing better, and most of all not allow themselves to feel inferior because the chick tanning next to him/her can bounce a quarter off of his/her ass! Oh, and don't let Mr. Macho, running on the beach with his pecs on a pedestal, fool ya. Look at his "before" pictures. We all have to start somewhere!

Lord knows I have insecurities. In the grand scheme of things, I do care what people say about me. What idiot wants to be spoken negatively of? However, I'm wise enough to know that I cannot control what others think and say. Sure I could take less risks. I could wear a one-piece; hide the gut I've named "Birtha"; spare the feelings of those appalled at the sight of my excess skin. I could but, tsk, tsk, I don't want to! Not this time.

Take it and love it world... or hate it. It's no longer my problem!

I've been on both sides of the spectrum. I've had fairly solid abs (pre-kids) and now I have a mush of dough that entertains my kids on a regular basis. They've named it "Belly." Original right? Belly has a voice and is masculine (don't ask). Because Belly usually enters a room ahead of me, he is greeted first! "Hi Belly" they say excitedly.  He is our other family member... I guess.

Damn kids!

Although most of us are excited about the arrival of summer, it doesn't skimp in bringing its crap with it. Companies take shots at our self esteem by hinting that we aren't good enough as we are. We are offered the opportunity, through their anything-but-subtle advertisements, to accept that we're not up to par unless we are a certain body type. They also claim that only their products can right our wrongs. All they want is our money. "It's just business." they say. 

This is where I call bullshit!  

I'm short and very petite but I have body image issues just like anyone else! There are areas I'm not okay with but when I mention exercising or getting in shape, some people look at me like I've escaped from an asylum. They tell me I'm "too small" to exercise and I'm already "in shape." Hmph!

PSA: Small doesn't mean healthy!  Stop spreading that lie!

If you take anything from this piece, take a morsel of my insanity confidence to get you through the summer. It will soon be too hot for sweatpants and it's time to give our damn yoga pants a break! I love 'em, too, but... don't be difficult! When you're in the mirror trying to decide on a swimsuit, smile at yourself instead of frowning and turning up that degrading nose of yours. When you're at the pool or beach trying to decide on whether to lose or keep that cover-up, do what you really want to do! You only get ONE life folks.

To hell with other's opinions because everyone has too damn many!

If you're simply not ready for a two-piece, then rock that one-piece baby! If you need that cover-up like Oscar Meyer needs a weiner, then "do you boo!" Do what works for YOU! Wherever you are, know that I'm there in spirit, holding your hand, and cheering you on.

The next time our paths cross, it may be on a shoreline. There will be a little chocolate woman shuffling strutting her jelly doughnut around with all it's jiggle and tiger stripes. She'll have an attitude but it won't come from a place of malice. She's just trying to convince herself, and the world, that she's confident in her own skin. That little chocolate woman will be me. And as I strut, my aura will (hopefully) be screaming...

"Bitch, watch me work!"


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