August 17, 2014

I Said Nothing

I walked in her direction.

My feet were heavy. My legs felt like sacks of wet sand. I was loaded down with "things undone." Household chores. Undone. Kid activities. Undone. Time with my honey. Undone. Time with myself. Nonexistent. 

I had marked off thousands of things from my to-do list. But it was the undone item or two, that stood out most in my mind. I never give myself credit for the check-offs.

Onward I moved in slow motion. She continued to stare at me. Our eyes locked. She seemed to invite me closer. She wanted to make sure I heard what she had to say.

"Look at you. Why are you carrying such a heavy load? Where did it come from?" she asked.

I wanted to act confused. To play the dumb role. But I knew what she meant. Still I said nothing. I couldn't.

"Look at you. Tired, red eyes because you've chosen to love others more than you love yourself. *sigh* Still nothing to say?" she teased.

I said nothing.

"Look at you. My, my, my how you handle those TOUGH situations. You are  selfless, loving, and kind; never giving yourself the benefit of the doubt. You never stop to think about the importance of your presence in the lives of others. All you feel is the load. All you think about is the price you've paid and the well being of others. Right?"

Tears flooded my eyes because I felt her words. Still, I said nothing.

"Well what about YOU? Huh? What about how YOU feel? What about what YOU need? What about those things YOU want & deserve? Do they still matter to YOU at all?" she pushed.

Her words felt like daggers as my tears began to fall. She was right. I didn't think of mySELF anymore. Every moment of my life, I had now given to caring for someone else.

"Look at you. Do you know who you are? Do you ever think of YOU solely? Loving is great. It's your duty. But it's also your choice and that includes SELF love. No one can have the best of you if you don't take care of yourSELF. Especially not your children. "

I wanted to ask her how to care for myself. I no longer knew. I couldn't figure it out anymore because my family is everything. I don't have a life-balance scale to show me which way to lean. My mind could no longer comprehend balance.

She looked deeper into my eyes. I could feel myself leaning closer to her as she leaned closer to me. Our eyes never looked away from one another. I felt as though I'd miss "the key to life" if I breathed. I actually think I held my breath.

"It is simple. Do for yourself, as you have chosen to do for others. Give to yourself, as you have chosen to give to others. Love yourself, as you consistently and deeply love others. And do all of this for YOU first. The rest is in your hands." she finalized.
As tears poured down my face, I backed away from the mirror. 
I Knew what SHE, what I, had ministered to mySELF. I knew that I had to do better.

All images found via Google.
I HAVE TO do better.

I want to give my family my best. That starts with taking care of myself mentally, spiritually, physically, etc.

Look at me.

I'm learning how to truly love.

 When was the last time you looked into your own eyes? Are you living at your best or have you forgotten how to care for yourself? How do you balance your daily responsibilities? Share your story with me. Be sure to follow me on all of my social media sites and add your email above to subscribe. Keep up with all things Thriller Mom!


  1. WOW, Tears are flowing from my eyes after reading this! I too am where you are. I have started several blog posts about myself lately and just haven't finished or posted them.....because I was scared that I was being "Selfish" for what I considered to be complaining when I should feel blessed. But I do agree that as mom's we MUST take care of ourselves before we take care of the ones we love so that when we do what we do for them it is with our WHOLE and BEST selves. (does that make sense?) Sending you lots of HUGS and hope you do something special just for YOU today!! :)

    1. I have often felt that I was being selfish for "complaining" about things but now I don't see it that way. I'm always grateful for everything that is my life, but I must have a venting place. Somewhere/one to show my humanity & vulnerability. We, as moms, are anything but selfish! Right? We couldn't possibly be but I know EXACTLY what you mean? And yes, your comment about doing for our loved ones "with our WHOLE and BEST selves." makes perfect sense! Lol! Thank you SO MUCH for taking time to read my post and I'm holding on to those hugs and well wishes for dear life <3

  2. Beautiful! I often feel like that too! Being a mom is soooo full of so many things. And we often "forget" that if we don't take care of OURSELVES, we CAN'T be the mom we need to be! <3

    1. EXACTLY! It's a truth we best remember everyday! Thanks for reading. <3

  3. This is absolutely beautiful. We give and give and give and sometimes, we forger to save some to give ourselves. Thank you for this reminder.

    1. It's a reminder that we all need. As for me, I must remember to give to myself FIRST instead of trying to indulge in the leftovers! Thank you for reading and for such a wonderful compliment!

  4. This was, in a word, awesome. Just the thing we busy moms need to read before we start yet another week of demands...

    Thank you.


    1. I agree! And you are more than welcome! Thank you for such an awesome compliment!

  5. Beautiful! I think I've had a conversation like that with myself every once and a while.

    We moms do need to take care of ourselves! It's so important! Thank you for this reminder. Before I go barreling into another week, I'll remember to pause and nurture myself.

    Thanks so much for sharing (and for linking up to the #SHINEbloghop)!

    Wishing you a lovely day.

  6. Good for you! It's hard to remember that caring for yourSELF isn't's necessary. Cheers to YOU!

  7. This is such an important lesson for all of us to learn. I'm an empathetic person and I've found myself burned out many times in life because I cared SO much for others I forgot to care for myself. Great post!

  8. I knew it was going to be the reflection in the end, because I've done this countless times. Any moment I spend on anything thats not a direct need of my family, I feel guilty. Anytime for me, I'm guilty. It's a tough burden to bear and a silly one, but it's hard to shake. Loved this!

  9. thank you for sharing such a personal moment. i hope you remember to put you first too. you are important too!

  10. This resonated with me so much. I had a meltdown over the weekend because I'm feeling so overwhelmed right now. Getting out for a run this morning really helped.

  11. "I HAVE to do better" -something I say to myself everyday.. This is on point--

  12. You have me in tears with this. I'm nodding my head in agreement as the tears stream down my face.