I Said Nothing

I walked in her direction.

My feet were heavy. My legs felt like sacks of wet sand. I was loaded down with "things undone." Household chores. Undone. Kid activities. Undone. Time with my honey. Undone. Time with myself. Nonexistent. 

I had marked off thousands of things from my to-do list. But it was the undone item or two, that stood out most in my mind. I never give myself credit for the check-offs.

Onward I moved in slow motion. She continued to stare at me. Our eyes locked. She seemed to invite me closer. She wanted to make sure I heard what she had to say.

"Look at you. Why are you carrying such a heavy load? Where did it come from?" she asked.

I wanted to act confused. To play the dumb role. But I knew what she meant. Still I said nothing. I couldn't.

"Look at you. Tired, red eyes because you've chosen to love others more than you love yourself. *sigh* Still nothing to say?" she teased.

I said nothing.

"Look at you. My, my, my how you handle those TOUGH situations. You are  selfless, loving, and kind; never giving yourself the benefit of the doubt. You never stop to think about the importance of your presence in the lives of others. All you feel is the load. All you think about is the price you've paid and the well being of others. Right?"

Tears flooded my eyes because I felt her words. Still, I said nothing.

"Well what about YOU? Huh? What about how YOU feel? What about what YOU need? What about those things YOU want & deserve? Do they still matter to YOU at all?" she pushed.

Her words felt like daggers as my tears began to fall. She was right. I didn't think of mySELF anymore. Every moment of my life, I had now given to caring for someone else.

"Look at you. Do you know who you are? Do you ever think of YOU solely? Loving is great. It's your duty. But it's also your choice and that includes SELF love. No one can have the best of you if you don't take care of yourSELF. Especially not your children. "

I wanted to ask her how to care for myself. I no longer knew. I couldn't figure it out anymore because my family is everything. I don't have a life-balance scale to show me which way to lean. My mind could no longer comprehend balance.

She looked deeper into my eyes. I could feel myself leaning closer to her as she leaned closer to me. Our eyes never looked away from one another. I felt as though I'd miss "the key to life" if I breathed. I actually think I held my breath.

"It is simple. Do for yourself, as you have chosen to do for others. Give to yourself, as you have chosen to give to others. Love yourself, as you consistently and deeply love others. And do all of this for YOU first. The rest is in your hands." she finalized.
  
As tears poured down my face, I backed away from the mirror. 
I Knew what SHE, what I, had ministered to mySELF. I knew that I had to do better.

All images found via Google.

I HAVE TO do better.

I want to give my family my best. That starts with taking care of myself mentally, spiritually, physically, etc.

Look at me.

I'm learning how to truly love.










 When was the last time you looked into your own eyes? Are you living at your best or have you forgotten how to care for yourself? How do you balance your daily responsibilities? Share your story with me. Be sure to follow me on all of my social media sites and add your email above to subscribe. Keep up with all things Thriller Mom!