Yes.
I almost lost it.
I know my household expects me to be the daily superhero. To calmly and graciously step into my role as mommy, nurse, chef, bowel plumber, referee, sex slave, need I go on?!
I know this to be true because my oldest said to me "I'm sooo hungry! I need to eat! Why aren't YOU cooking the food yet?!" Check out the emphasis on "YOU." Umm hmm.
I'll bet you flinched and held your breath because you KNOW. You know for yourselves that that didn't go over smoothly. I was tired, overwhelmed with things to do, needing chocolate (NO it's not THAT time), being pawed at, and all before tasting my sweet nectar! Ohhh coffee. How I love thee! Didn't reading the word make you want some?!
The opportunity to state my claim presented itself and I took advantage. I bellowed from my soul that "I am not a maid! Nor will I be treated like one!" REAL maids get paid CASH for what they do! My wallet/purse/billfold looks the same every day. So...no maid service here!
Everything from that point on was down hill. My house was the circus/zoo I pray daily to tame. I almost broke my pancreas (ha) trying to step over toys! It was like a war zone! There were naked cubs running around charging each other with plastic tools, swords, and my spatulas. Body parts were sloshing and swinging all around! Someone showed up unexpectedly right at crunch time. That's cause enough for beheading! Dishes and laundry blocked the entrance to EVERY room and I. just. couldn't. breathe.
"Where was the Mr?" you ask? Ohhh, well, he was around. Helping here. Helping there. Doing here. Doing there. But we ALL know that men have a way of getting out of things when it really gets down to the nitty-gritty! I barely washed a toe in the shower before having to get out. But my Mr did his shaving and had music playing during his 15 minutes of shower fame! Time for music? Where are they doing that?!
I could go on and on about the nervous breakdown I almost agreed to. My brain, nerves, body, and soul had an extensive discussion about whether this was the right time. One can't simply have a nervous breakdown ya know?! Everything in a mother's life is governed by a to-do list. That includes sicknesses and mental collapses. We run the show. Admit it.
This blog post is less about epiphanies and more about an admittance, my admittance, of not having it all together. There are days when I don't want to be the mama. I don't want the responsibility of being responsible for others. I want to polish my nails, circle wanted items in magazines, eat junk food, complain about petty stuff, and have a little nookie on the living room floor without the worry of getting caught. And I want a messy, prolonged cuddle afterwards that leads to a nap, too!
It's okay to NOT be supermom all the time. And it's okay to admit that you don't want to be. We all LOVE our cubs to infinity and back. We will do anything for them. But that love makes us no less human. We all NEED breaks and time to be. I often stay up super late at night (like now) to bask in solitude. It's at 12 or 1am that I can hear myself think. It's as if I say "Oh here I am. I do exist."
Do you know what I mean?
If you can't relate to this madness, good for you. You must be one of those rare but lucky ones who have it all figured out. I, unfortunately, am not. Some days I even wonder what the hell I was thinking! Lol! But I love my girls. Without them, I am nothing. I can't live apart from them no matter how crAzy they make me!
I'm a martyr for motherhood! The insanity is a drug and I overdose every. damn. day.
Maybe I'll have that nervous breakdown tomorrow. But I'll have to check my to-do list first!
Have you ever had one of those days? The days where you're just not up to the madness that is parenting? If so, tell me about it! And be sure to add your email to keep up with my posts. You can also find me on Facebook & Twitter. I love it when you stalk me in a GOOD way! Thanks for reading!
Btw, the images in this post were found on the internet. I don't own them!
I have those days! I never, EVER thought I would be one of those Moms that things fell apart if I was gone too long, but they do. They get figured out, but there is much belly-aching in the meantime.
ReplyDeleteYes! Before becoming a mom, I just KNEW I'd have it all together. I would parent this way & that. I would never be like those moms that look a mess & can't handle it all. Guess what? I'm now THAT mom! Ha! We all know how to parent before becoming one! How ridiculous!
ReplyDeleteI am such a control freak. And when things are out of control I am a serious B which quickly escalates to a nervous breakdown where I go from a tirade to crying in the closet with a tub of ice cream. There are days when I don't understand how my family puts up with me ... and then I realize THEY MADE ME THIS WAY. :)
ReplyDeleteIt's so great to read about the moms who don't have it all together and know it. The ones that do are lying ... to the world and to themselves. Bravo, my dear. And have your tantrum. I'm sure you've earned it!
You made me Lol (as usual)!
DeleteI know how those "crying in the closet with a tub of ice cream" days can be! Sometimes I do it just for the ice cream!
But in all honesty, I too wonder how my family puts up with me. I'm a raging lunatic sometimes! Yes. They made me this way, too, but I know I have to develop better coping skills. Somehow.
Until I get that shit figured out, Rocky Road ice cream anyone?! Thank you so much for reading and commenting!
I totally understand this! You get to a point where ya just want to lock urself in ur room an cry. I was just saying yesterday that sometimes i feel like super woman. This past week i packed , moved , unpacked an cleaned all while kiddos were around o an i managed to get all my homework in on time. It was pure craziness! Didn't get much sleep but stuff had to get done. Sometimes i feel like if i don't get stuff done no one else is gonna do it which can be so frustrating. I hate when my husband comes home from an sits on couch an says hes tired. Im like you sit down in a truck an drive all day i haven't even gotten to shower yet lol but i wouldn't want to miss any of this madness cuz kids grow up fast.
ReplyDeleteThe things we go through, endure, for our families. I don't waste time trying to lock myself in a room because my cubs will find a way to get in! But I know exactly what you mean!
DeleteI sometimes get pissed with my sig other when he comes home acting as though he's "done more than I have." I feel he has NO IDEA what tired REALLY is. But I know how hard he does work and he IS tired, too. Just in a different way.
Of course this is all super challenging but none of us would want to miss the madness if given a choice. It lets us know we are still alive!
Thanks so much for reading & commenting!
Ugh! I can totally relate! Sometimes I just want a minute for myself! (then when I take that minute I think, 'What are the kids doing?') hahaha
ReplyDeleteHa! Don't we all?!
DeleteIt's like a double-edged sword! I will be ready to rip something apart just to have a moment alone! But I still can't rest because I feel no one is going to care for them like me (including their father). I don't need to come from my blessed break to an emergency visit! Then I'd REALLY be pissed.
Thanks so much for reading and commenting!
Oh my goodness yes. Those days. I feel like they come about once a week sometimes!
ReplyDeleteMine honestly happen about every other day. I think it's seriously time for a vacation!
DeleteThank you for reading & commenting!
I totally get it. I love this line: "Oh here I am. I do exist." Yes. I feel that all the time. Blogging gives me so much of the "here I am" feeling. For that reason, I can't ever think that I'll be able to give it up. Loved this - thank you so much for normalizing!
ReplyDeleteI agree with your take on blogging. That's why I love it! It's so personal and liberating. I'm so much happier now that I've gotten back to writing/blogging. It gives me a release.
DeleteThank you for reading & commenting!
So in those early years, someone was touching me in some shape form or fashion 23 hours and 39 minutes out of every day. Hubby couldn't understand why I didn't want to hug/cuddle/play Tarzan and Jane every-night (or at least twice a week) when he returned to his castle. (actually he's a sweetheart) After waking up with a baby glued to my nipple with dried slobber because I fell asleep nursing, having to cradle the toddler during Barney so I wouldn't feel guilty for paying more attention to the baby, soothing the whiny littlest praying for a nap, us 3 lying in the bed together because no one stay down alone, and making supper with one in a snugly and the other trapped on his 'tall chair' with my hip, I would have pulled out my own pinky fingernail for 15 minutes without a hand, head, snotty nose, tongue, body, foot, bottom, or elbow touching me.
ReplyDeleteOh my! Yes! Yes to all that you've posted!
DeleteI often get so tired of being pulled on & pawed at! I feel like I'm going to keel over at any moment! I can relate to your experiences so well!
Thanks so much for reading & commenting!
LOL I love how you ended this with needing to schedule your nervous breakdowns hahaha! I am in no way super mom nor do I want to be...I mean I guess I'd like to be but only if it was effortless!
ReplyDeleteThank you! And yes, effortless makes all the difference! Lol!
DeleteThank you for taking time to read & comment.
I get my alone time early in the morning usually before the sun has thought about rising above the hills. I think that SuperMums are just made up to make us feel undermined, they don't actually, really exist do they?...Please say no!
ReplyDeleteMy children are both well into their teens and I still haven't got the hang of getting a washing load into the machine without it having sat in a doorway for an hour. But I do plan to pencil in time for that nervous breakdown one day soon!
Yes those supermoms DO exist! They have messy homes, lose their tempers, fill thousands of roles per day, and love their cubs endlessly. WE are supermoms. As for that laundry, that may very well be hopeless! Lol!
DeleteThanks so much for reading and commenting!
Well, you know that I can totally relate because I'm sitting here in tears reading this LOL. This week has just NOT been my week, and I feel like such a failure of a mom because like you said, I'm not a maid and I don't want to be one and so I lose it! It feels like I'm always doing something for someone else...but my kids are 1 and 3, it's not their fault! Your list of things you'd like to do sounds heavenly. I need some me time this weekend FO SHO.
ReplyDeleteAwww... I'm touched that you can relate! And if those tears need to flow in order for you to get a release, LET THEM! Motherhood is hard. I don't care what anyone says and it has nothing to do with how much you love your babies! As for that list, I'm working towards making it a reality! You should too.
DeleteI appreciate you reading and commenting. Thank you!
I get you and I totally get this! Some days I feel like I'm barely surviving! Motherhood is so hard... not that I expected it to be easy but I didn't expect it to be THIS raw, emotional, and challenging.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing (and for linking up to the #SHINEbloghop).
Wishing you a lovely weekend.
xoxo
I have lots of those days. I remember being so overwhelmed after my first child when I sat there crying on the phone with my mom and she was the first person to tell me "You do not have to do everything"...she went on to say, "so what if your house has toys all over the floor, who cares that there are dishes on the counter"...."People aren't going to remember your clean house, or the toys on the floor, what they will remember is how good of a mom to your children you are".... and after I heard that, I would much rather have cereal for dinner and a messy lived in house with a bunch of fun-loving, free-spirited kids than a pristine home that looks like a shrine to my furniture. I let go of a lot that night and since then, it's made me feel so much better. I too am up late at night and appreciate the dark silence! :)
ReplyDelete