Penguins and Pork Bones: Big Cub's First Movie Review

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Lights, camera, action!

It was the perfect time to let her expertise shine! Big Cub has wanted to contribute her two cents to this blog for eons. I guess being the subject of 80% of my posts isn't enough.

Talk about attention-whoring!

One night, we deboweled (Is that even a word? Okay, disemboweled.) Redbox and decided to movie binge before bedtime. She chose Penguins of Madagascar. Somewhere along the way, the movie showed a scene that upset her. She's a sensitive one that Big Cub!

After the movie, I picked her brain. I figured it a great time to do a movie review! Who knows kid's movies better than kids, right? She loved the idea so we began our discussion during dinner.


"What did you think about the movie?" I asked.

"I liked it! It was funny! Ek-cept the part about the penguins being pushed off a cliff and drowning. Why would the productors- is that what they're called mommy- the people who make the movie? Why would they put that in a KID'S movie?" she asked.

Because I was watching my movie, I had not seen hers and had no idea what scene she was referring to. I try to escape the animated life every chance I get. I'm sure any parent understands that. Bottom line: she didn't like it!

Way to go DreamWorks!  

Our conversation was flowing smoothly. Big Cub was clearly on her way to becoming a better version of Roger Ebert. She was ready to knock Rotten Tomatoes off of it's movie critiquing high horse. Until...until it all took a very. strange. turn.

The movie review was occurring as we enjoyed our dinner of barbecued pork chops and veggies. They were the bone-in kind, mind you. Holding up the meatless pork chop bone to me like a newly discovered dinosaur fossil, she asked "What animal is this bone from mommy?"

"It's pork." I said.
"So a pig right?" she asked.
"Right!" I agreed.

Although I'm accustomed to her distracted ways, I was feeling a bit irritated. I wanted this thing to be good! I was ready to get on with the damn thing! In true child-like fashion, she gave the penguins movie another go but quickly - I mean Clark Kent entering phone booth exiting Superman quickly- went right back to the (new) pork chop bone topic.

That damn bone! I may never cook pork chops again!

"I wonder what would happen if we buried the pig bone, mommy, and gave it a funeral?!" she said excitedly. The next sound heard was the thump of my bottom lip hitting my plate and my patience ricocheting from floor to ceiling repeatedly! I was in total dismay.

"Did this child really just go there?" I thought. At some point every parent is asked a question by their child that leaves them questioning the child's sanity AND genetics! So we talked meat and bones but no more penguin movie. I also enforced and re-enforced our new "no bone burial" rule. She seemed a tad upset about eating a pig so I reminded her of her non-vegetarian lifestyle and the bacon she devoured like a Velociraptor during breakfast.

"Bacon is from pigs?" she asked as if she wasn't already aware.
"Yep...and ham."
"Ham TOO?!"
"Yep. So what do you think about that?" I gloated.

When she raised both hands, putting one thumb up and the other down, I knew she was just as engulfed in confusion as I was. It was obvious that this was as good as the movie review was going to get. Roger Ebert may not have been proud but I was as proud as any biased parent could be! My big baby had completed her first movie review while keeping it simple, entertaining, and full of nonsense.

She's all about that nonsense life, ya know; and mama's got her back (I think)!

I can't wait until her next review! I'm more than sure it will be interesting; and by interesting I mean The Twilight Zone type of material. This IS Big Cub we're talking about here! There may not be any avoidance of meat and bones topics but as long as she doesn't ask any surprising questions about "boners" (again), I think I can handle almost anything.


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